Thanks for your feedback on my previous blog “Learn to Unlearn”. Keep them coming! My previous blog ended with a note that my journey of learning to unlearn has begun. Through my next series of blogs, I intend to take you through my journey. I will share experiences of my experiments with life.
Do you believe in the institute of family? I firmly believe in it. It means a lot to me. It’s a commitment, a shared responsibility - to act in a manner that is in the best interest of everyone in the family. This is fundamental and we all are aware of this. It would be interesting to see if our actions are contributing towards reinforcing this belief.
Isn’t it fair to say that with commitment comes responsibility which in turn requires from us, the most difficult thing – Accountability. At times, we do things that takes away the sense of responsibility and accountability. Usually these actions are either impulsive, prejudiced, short sighted or at times even a result of masked conscious. We do not realize and acknowledge the long-term implications of these actions.
Let me take a common example that we can relate to. We do not want our children to be addicted to Phones, Tablets, Computer, TV etc… But most kids are somehow addicted. How can they not be? That is what they see everyone around them do. Most importantly parents. If they have to picture their parents in their mind, they are most likely to imagine their father watching TV lying on the sofa or mother chatting on WhatsApp. This is how they see us most of the time. And remember they consider us as role models. They have a blind faith that everything that we do is good and its cool for everyone else to do. They feel its ok to hang out with gadgets in their free time. They are just doing what we do.
But we do not want them to be with gadgets all the time. We tell them it’s not good, try to explain them how it will spoil their eye sight, how important it is to go out and play with friends. As responsible parents, we provide all logical reasoning. It doesn’t work, does it? Ever wondered why your child doesn’t listen to you. Actions speak louder than words my friends. Your actions have masked your words.
We then do the next big mistake. We realize that advice is no longer working and start enforcing it. We shout, threaten with consequences, punishment what not… I know we do this with a good intent. The intent is always good, it’s the approach or the method that’s at fault. So please do not get me wrong and bear with me for some time. Coming back to my point, this enforcement creates a confusion in your child’s mind. Why is it not ok for me to watch TV if its ok for my parents to watch? Why do they say it’s bad to watch TV all the time but they still do it? Is it good to do bad things? Maybe it is not a bad thing after all.
In our effort to correct a problem, we have complicated it further and left the child confused, with more questions than answers. Instead of guiding the child, we let the child to make assumptions and figure out answers to such complex concepts on its own while we continue to confuse them through our actions. Most of the time the behavioral issues in children arise because the things they see around them are different than the advice they receive.
My friends, before correcting your children, just see if the source of problem lies in your child or in you. Try correcting yourself, eliminate the source of the problem, Learn to Unlearn a few habits. Trust me your children will learn things easily, they will be able to take the right decisions, they will learn to respect actions more than words and they will grow to be responsible human beings.
You are your child’s hero, teacher, role model. Good or bad they will learn what you demonstrate. They learn from what they see happening around them. They see you most of the time. So, make sure that you act with a sense of responsibility, after all you are accountable for what your child grows up into. Let’s make this commitment to ourselves that we will consciously make an effort to act in a manner that helps our children to be responsible and well-mannered when they grow up.
I have taken one example of gadgets here. There are a lot more things where we set wrong examples. The way in which parents treat and talk to each other is very important. It has far reaching implications on your children and the society. So, next time you decide to raise your voice at your spouse, keep in mind you are being watched!
Note: All images used are from the internet